Sorry I went MIA again. Things got a bit crazy and I wasn’t able to manage my time as well as I wanted to but I do have a BIG life update…
I finally moved!
I am so happy to have moved before work got crazy again so I won’t have to commute two hours each way and can regain some sanity. I can also begin to focus on work, especially finding work in my months I have off of my typical job, and friends in LA instead of feeling left out of opportunities because of the drive.
I signed the lease for my apartment on Thursday and moved everything in on Friday and since then has been a mix of excitement, anxiety, relief, and loneliness (quite the mixture there).
Friday after my parents left to return the U-HAUL, I began organizing everything and would do the kitchen, then get overwhelmed, move to the bathroom, get overwhelmed, then my closet, and you get the point. Maintenance came to fix a few things and while he was there I got so hungry and Postmated some Panera Bread and once he left, I ran to get groceries. This week I had to spend a lot on groceries because I needed basics but from here on out I’m going to really focus on my finances- including my weekly meal prep spending! Once I returned back to my apartment after getting groceries I was exhausted and was for the first time… alone. I invited my friend to come over after work just to see her and walk to Starbucks and she helped me with where everything should go in the kitchen but when she left it was so quiet so I went straight to bed (with a light on).
Saturday I went to a gym nearby to get a membership (I cancelled my 24 Hour Fitness one because they aren’t too great in LA) but this gym was small and I didn’t see anybody my age and while I still had a decent workout, I felt strange. In my first full day finally up in LA, while I also didn’t leave my apartment too much, I didn’t feel as connected to my surroundings as I had anticipated. I went back to my place, washed up, and my dad came over to take care of a few things and after I headed out to pick up a few groceries I forgot and to look at a headboard. That night one of my best friends was also celebrating her birthday but with the time, feeling sick, and being beyond exhausted, I had to pass and made chicken for the week instead. I feel bad about missing her little get together but I also realized that I need to focus on myself and make sure I’m in a good place when I see friends and at that moment, I wasn’t.
I did however start something that has been on my mind for a LONG time, and that’s beginning to shoot some footage to start a Lo Without Limits YouTube. I have my personal one but I want to create content specific to this and not be mixed up with my news reels and packages and while I intended for this first video to be a little get to know me and mini-apartment tour… my emotions took over and while I could easily edit them away, this is who I am.
Sunday I woke up and my mom called me for a bit and while I always asked her why she was always talking to her sisters and mom when I was at home, I now understand why. I miss her. After I got ready, I headed to a meet up for one of my favorite podcasts, Almost 30 Podcast, at Primal Kitchen because I was excited to meet them, see my friend who works with them, and get out of my apartment and be social. While I loved the event and had a great time, coming home anxiety hit hard and I went back to my empty apartment and I felt just as physically empty.
I did film that I had a panic attack and what I was feeling at the moment because I want to be real and honest with anybody who follows along (even if it is just my mom). Once I calmed down a bit, I went to the gym to get myself and my mindset back on the right track. On my way to the gym I did contemplate just going to bed and being a blob instead of going out in public but I knew that although doing that may feel good temporarily, in the end I would regret just trying to sleep everything away. After the gym (I went to a different one with a younger crowd) I ended up feeling amazing and going back and meal prepping for the week, showering, and reading. I feel crazy for having such a 180 of emotions in such a short period of time… but that’s anxiety, that’s what I deal with even though I don’t want to, and for once I’m not hiding it away by silently crying in my room so my mom doesn’t hear.
As I write this, I’m sitting at my desk at work as the day comes to an end and I look back on what a whirlwind this weekend was but I know that things will only get better with time. I plan on meeting more people, exploring new places, and using the time that I would be driving here to focus on this blog and finding my passions instead. I realize that while I was excited to move out of my always loud home to some peace and quiet, a slightly-empty apartment that echoes a lot was a huge jump but with time (and furniture to absorb those sound waves), it will feel just right. I’m also excited to get more color into my apartment with my rug and wall décor so it can finally feel like my own and not just a blank space that I’m occupying. I have also already noticed how great my first work morning there was, I got to listen to my podcasts out loud, eat an actual breakfast, and not want to just drive off the freeway to get out of traffic. Now that I have something to fill up my days and my co-workers to chat to, things are already looking up!
This post probably wasn’t what you expected going into it but as I “figure out adulthood through wellness and wander” this is my journey and it’s not going to be perfect but nobody’s journey is, I’m just sharing mine.